For Padrino,
who taught me about the Darkness of Osa.
Artist: Unknown
Iboru, Iboya, Ibosise.
(excerpt)
My last Ifá godfather in the Orisha tradition was an older Afro-Cuban man from Matanzas Province. Our spiritual relationship lasted from about the mid-1990's until July of 2005. He was the last priest of Ifá whom I had felt extreme loyalty towards.
Even though we clicked upon first meeting, I still chose to keep a lot to myself. Experience with an abusive childhood in Catholic school taught me to be leery in dealing with any sort of "religious" types. I considered myself to be deeply intuitive. But, when it came to spiritual matters, I just didn't want to feel like I was being trapped by someone's over-the-top religiosity. Even if all religions tend to have a communal aspect to them, the actual conversion is quite personal. Leave me that open door. I will decide, based upon my own spirituality, what I should do with my own Life.
In those days, I made good money. I pretty much knew that, in the Orisha community, sometimes having disposable cash translated into being told you had to receive a whole bunch of spiritual stuff you didn't necessarily need. Nevertheless, I took it upon myself to believe in his sincerity. I did not find him to be a cheat. I was all ready a student of Ifá for many years. As such, I pretty much understood a lot of what he was doing ritual-wise. It was clear to see when you knew what to look for.
The only issue I had with him was his insistence that I "never let a f*ggot touch (my) head" (Be initiated into Orisha by a gay person). His obsession with hating gay ppl eventually reached nauseating levels. I never brought up my sexuality as I didn't think I had to do that. If we were not sleeping together, what did it matter? I was only looking to learn the "ropes" of my religious path a little better; that was it. I was open to everyone else, but kept my private life off his radar. It all most became a favourite pasttime to keep my godfather guessing. I did it to see if it would "come up" in a reading; a way to test his intuitive accuracy as a Diviner. For many years, he never brought it up; at one point he tried to marry me to his step-daughter who was around 15 years old. Of course, I declined. It was only years later when I had a relationship with a man that he probably caught on that I might be bisexual.
Some Orisha priests, who I had met off the Internet, attempted to dissuade me from joining a group of homophobic Ifá priests. I kept trying to tell them that in the "hood" a lot of things go on. I've seen too much to think that some over-the-top"thuggish"-acting men weren't hiding secrets of their own. I was neither phased, nor bothered. At first, it seemed to me that they were trying to spare me any bad feelings, but- upon further reflection- I realised that I was being coerced to stay away from them as these Orisha priests just didn't like dealing with what they considered to be anti-gay, misogynist Babalawos. My intention was to learn Ifá. I had all ways felt this was my path and I was not going to be deterred by any priest's personal issues, Babalawo or otherwise.
Up until this point, Esu-Elegba and Ogun were the Orisha that were said to be my guardian spirits. Since this stage of my life was characterised by a lot of new experiences and lots of employment, these two Orisha made perfect sense. Esu-Elegba was the Mercurial deity, considered a "door-opener", and Ogun represented "work".
This particular Ifá godfather took to me well and respected me for my decorum. He would share quite a great deal of what he knew. He NEVER talked down to me or made me feel as if I knew less than he did. Regarding ritual, he made it a point to never make it about himself. He was humble in that way. Whenever he brought up gay ppl, though, I felt compelled to defend. He hated that I would stand up to him about that issue, yet it never stopped him from interacting with me. Since he knew the girl I was dating at that time, my sexuality was not an issue.
Babalawos in the Lukumi tradition do not "crown" (initiate) anyone into anything except Ifá. When my Lukumi godfather marked my head as a child of the Orisha Shango, this meant that I would have to find a regular non-Ifá Orisha priest to actually initiate me. My quest led me through a lot of very interesting places. Each time I found a group of ppl that I thought could initiate me, I would stay- at least for a while. If it seemed too negative, I would eventually leave. I had to feel that I was going to be in the company of ppl who did not sit around spending their time hating on others unnecessarily; talking extremely negative about them behind their back. Whatever you had to say to someone, say it to their face as well. Many Egbes seemed to be rife with gossip, something I just didn't really care to hear. While I figured I could "change" my godfather's thinking if I hung around him enough, I did not want to walk into any new situations that would oppress me further. I knew my godfather well, or so I thought. And, because my comfort levels felt normal around him, I chose to stay under his guidance. Everyone else... would be put on a "trial run" until I felt fully comfortable.
So close were we that when my newly-chosen Egbe ("House") told him he could only visit and not participate in his own godson's Orisha ritual, he denounced them. This new Egbe did not use Babalawos, but Oriates. Babalawos use a different set of mechanics to arrive at the Sacred Odu (shell patterns) than do Oriates. In a Babalawo's Egbe, my godfather would have led the ceremony. In this non-Babalawo Egbe, he would only be there as an invitee. He was very insulted and very upset. I was also... as a certain person in this Egbe actually DID use a Babalawo once at their own discretion. When I inquired as to "why" this was, I was simply told that the person was not supposed to do that and that the defiant person was supposedly "reprimanded" for their infraction. Even though I could not accept this responce, I let it ride. Part of me felt that some ppl just did not take well to letting someone who was just "coming in" tell them what had to be done.
I don't mind Elders who guide younger initiates. That's how it is supposed to work. But, when the initiates all ready have a lot of wisdom accrued from having been in this tradition their entire lives, and are made to feel "stupid" just so that an "Elder" can get an upper hand, it comes off as insulting and begins a strange pattern of having the respect being siphoned out of you while the other person grows in their confidence.
I was told long ago that the benefit of all ready having some wisdom meant a more unique and deeper experience (which it definitely was), but some Orisha ppl seemed stuck on having ritually-blind godchildren who entered into ceremony submissive and malleable. They wanted to be looked upon as the ultimate Orisha priest; more knowledgeable and wise than any of their godchildren. I don't believe in that, nor will I ever. Enter with as much knowledge, wisdom and understanding as possible. You will STILL have a beautiful ceremony.
Initially, when I had first decided to learn Ifá, I approached a Nigerian man who used Ifá to call down Ogun. This priest gave me all the respect a man would normally give to another man when sharing these brotherly secrets. He did not take the insecure position that he was somehow better than me. In fact, he encouraged that I learn on my own; going to him if I had any questions or when I was ready to converse. Had he not returned to Africa, I would have remained exclusively with him. I had no real interest in being initiated to anything except Ifá.
My Lukumi godfather acted respectfully also, save for this deep-seated hatred he had towards homosexuals. While he did all of his rituals with heart and soul engaged, he would periodically launch tirades against anything that seemed remotely gay. I would counter his thinking by presenting situations that left him pondering the flaws in his thoughts.
I found it interesting that in my own Orisha itá (Divination) I was told to be mindful of Elders who did not look out for my own best interest. It mimicked an itá I had received back in 2000: "Not everyone will have your best interest at heart. Question what you feel deeply. Do not be afraid to go your own way". In this new itá (which was a personal reading about my Life) I was told that "a King would die when the Prince was born", to paraphrase Odu.
The last conversation I had with my Lukumi godfather occurred not even a week after I was initiated. I recited the basics from my itá to him and he explained much about who I was spiritually; for that I was grateful. Soon after, my godson took a trip to his home to receive a Divination reading. I was slightly disturbed that he told my godson the same thing he told me: "Don't let a f*ggot touch your head". He knew who my godson was and that I would one day initiate him. My godson felt he was trying to slander me; just defile my name. Regarding their long conversation, it became quite clear that my own godparent was betraying me after so many years of loyalty. I got really depressed. After my godson left his house, the next day... my godfather was gunned down in a hail of semi-automatic gunfire. It was apparently a drug deal gone bad. I had absolutely no idea he led this type of life... none. I also didn't know that he was gay, but had taken a wife and kids as a way of renouncing his life. Save for the youngest, the woman's children were not his own. Nevertheless, his entire family fled the house never to return.
The Coroner's Office, whom I had called initially to find out details, kept ringing me to inquire about what to do with his body. No one was claiming it. I called around and tried to raise the money to bury him. Regardless of his self-loathing and drug-dealing ways, he was still a good person. I was amazed at how many Orisha priests said they could do nothing... even if they made lots of money from performing countless ceremonies in the religion. The camaraderie was just not there for him. Also- since I had just spent a lot of money on my own Orisha ceremony, I was too taxed to come up with the money to bury him myself. As such, he lost his home and was placed in an unmarked potter's grave.
Despite his betrayal, I did see the good in him even if he may not have. He was still my Ifá godfather. I won't forget the kind of person he was or any of the things he selflessly did for me. When I needed spiritual advise, he was at my house in Manhattan that very same day. My only wish was that he would had come to terms with himself and led a more open life... away from all the drugs and mayhem.
copyright 2011 SC Productions